Friday, October 23, 2009

RE: hey you

I like to write sometimes because it's a way for me to see how I feel. Once on paper, my words speak back to me as I read and reread what it is that I felt needed to be expressed.

There are some things that will always be the fabric of what we are, but like a seamstress working tirelessely, it's what we are in the process and not the product where truth and beauty lies. Sew urself together.

It can be a real bitch to not think who we are today is what our past made us to be. You are _____ NOW.

I speak not of love because love is not lost and love is everywhere, you just need to stop and really realize what this waking life is not about to realize that. If you need some help: it's not about jealousy, inflicting physical and psychological pain on urself or others, living in the past, investing your future on maybes and ifs. It is about living right now, learning to channel deep emotion into a selfless practice, loving with no expectations or ambition.

Everyone lives with a personal story of pain and suffering. And it is selfish to think or believe your pain and suffering is any greater or more significant than any one elses.

Love is so great to lose grip of because when we learn to love again it feels just like the first time.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

All Access in Excess; Silver City

Last race of the season was a wet one. The rain let up about twenty minutes before the start and it was actually dry by the finish. Floyd Landis was behind me as we were linin up. I did a double take n then said whattup Floyd? I got my ass pulled at about 45 min.

Bike riding is now for doggie runs,

n grown man bness.

Last weekend was ACL here in Austin. I have never gone to ACL to see music and I didn't have plans this year either. Friday night I went with a friend to go see a free concert at the Power Plant. This iconic building can mostly be seen at night when travelling north on Lamar as you're crossing the river. The neon red lights on the side of the building read, "City of Austin Power Plant." It's an image I can remember from my earliest visits here back in 98 when my brother lived here and I would come for the summer.

I went to the show, but I wanted to see the inside, which happened to be the VIP only section.

Fuck that.

Little ninja action and me n the crew were inside looking for the best spot to dance. Turned out it was wherever we were.

Next night we played the same game. Except this time we brought more movers n a pocket full of VIP passes (did I mention I'm a ninja?). The night turned into early morning and I realized just how much power the building held as I thanked it for two incredible nights of action.

Sunday was recovery day right?


Free pass to ACL and I'm ankle deep in the fukn mud muk. Shitty smelling too.

Backstage for GirlTalk and a few drank while I sing along to Pearl Jam and I'm rollin out to meet my homes at Stubb's for the Ghostland Observatory show. I used to deliver for a law firm when the lead singer was a file clerk there.

Dance trance dance.

This went on till about 5 in the morning. 80's night at Elysium was in there too and I guess that's what I mean by excess.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Coffee and Chomsky

Woman: Then what's the trick to holding on and not giving up- because it seems like a lot o people need it.

Chomsky: The trick is not to be isolated- if your isolated, like Winston Smith in 1984, then sooner or later you're going to break, as he finally broke. That was the point of Orwell's story. In fact, the whole tradition of popular control has been exactly that: to keep people isolated, because if you can keep them isolated enough, you can get them to believe anything. But when people get together, all sorts of things are possible.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Labor Day, Handstands, Rain and Road.

Labor Day weekend was already stacked with a 60 mi road race and two 75 min crits.
Why'd I have to go dancing and then show up at the 27th annual Full Moon Ride at 2am Sunday morning? Maybe cause I knew Legolas would be there to make
sure we rode it faster than anyone else or maybe its cause I would have not been able to pick up a stolen, split watermelon slice off the H-E-B parking lot turned 4am bicycle encampment and share it for some popcorn and fat tire. Who really knows?
No doubt I took advantage of a free yoga class on Labor Day's Free Day of Yoga.
Two pack finishes, a $100 prime and a 9th place in the race with the best purse.
I'm getting there.
Just need to get used to being turned inside-out-around-upside-down. It's really a heart opener and learning-to-trust-that-which-you-cannot-see-but-supports-you tranquility that frequently reminds me what fear is to me and shallows my breath.
When you've been denied something so vital and elemental to existence for an extended period, the offering just received leaves me wondering if this is a sign of the manys influencing the one.
Give it one more go in Dallas on Thursday night. 75 minutes of blazing fun and then the race wheels go bye bye for a bit. Still on the bike every day tho. Cars and time become the pack and finish line.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Camus in the Comptroller

"This world reduces me to nothing. It carries me to the very end. Without anger, it denies that I exist. And, agreeing to my defeat, I move toward a wisdom where everything has already been conquered - except that tears come into my eyes, and this great sob of poetry makes me forget the truth of the world."

"And I want to be this perfect actor. I don't care about my personality and I'm not interested in cultivating it. I don't want to treat my life as an experiment, but to be what my life makes me. It is I who am the experimnet, and it is life that forms and controls me. If I had enough strength and patience, I know how completely impersonal I would become, how far my strength would carry me on the path to active nothingness. What has always held me back is my personal vanity. Today, I can understand that to love, act and suffer is indeed to be alive, but only in so far as we become transparent and accept our fate as a single reflection of a rainbow of different joys and passions. "

"The perfect actor in life is the man who is "acted upon" - and who knows it - passive passion."

Coffee Talk

Nicole, "I feel like crap. I should have worn shorts."

"But you look good."

"That doesn't matter. You only look as good as you feel."

"Where did you learn such truths?"

"...........from staring at myself in the mirror."

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

In Belief

Eastside telecasting
The sun gave birth to a full moon laughing
No more shaded sorrow
On this night
It's one light
& upon tomorrow
We'll rise again
Unfurl within
Cause the nights not out
It's who I am

-- Post From My iPhone

Arabesque for the Lonely

Stenciled 'n designed
Outlined in my mind
The past is forever
Okay in a crime

Showered psychosis
Alone with my focus
Drenched with what's real
And what I know is.....

Static pattern fabric
Or psychosamatic
Hit me with your light
'N please smoke me like an addict

A resolute sublime
A last lunge for the line
An offering within
One breath at a time

Keep it like that
Keep it like that
Keep it like that
Keep it like that

-- Post From My iPhone

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Dog days of summer

Oh comptroller.
I wait n I wait.
I don't expect you, bob, to ever stop mumbling to yourself.
My certificate of good standing doesn't have any bearing on my posture.

-- Post From My iPhone

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Beat the Clock & Ally and the Rock

Beat the Clock is an all bike messenger service I started with my friend Ian. That means I own a small business and work for myself now. 
CEO Bitch!

I totally pimp myself out now to make sure I continue to get paid to ride my bike for a living. Today I rode Grendel, a steel touring bike belonging to my good friend Mo, with 48, 1lb bags of coffee beans from downtown Austin to Whole Foods San Antonio in the Quarry. I had a few good friends (many thanks go to Sherri, Stefan, Dave and Jonathan) pace me as far as Gruene, TX and then I was solo the rest of the way. It was pretty grueling as the morning overcast skies flamed up with afternoon sun and the Mexican border's silent whispers became heavy headwinded messages. 

My friend, Ally, just got back to Austin from a long bike tour. Her world fell apart when she lost her husband to suicide so she decided to do a lil soul searching while pedaling around the country. In April, she rode from Austin to New York, took a train to Seattle, rode down the west coast, took another train to Iowa and rode across Iowa. She had so many moments that were truly unique and all her own. One day while riding down the coast in California, she spotted a rock all by itself out in the water. The beach was full of rocks just like it, yet this one rock was all alone out there. 
"What are you doing out there?" Ally asked the rock aloud. "Everyone is over here and your all by yourself over there. I mean, you look great with the waves hitting you from several directions, and your all glistey, and the birds seem to like you better cause your covered in their poop. Now that I think of it, you seem really happy with yourself right now and it shows cause you look so beautiful!"
Ally then realized she was talking to herself. 

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

In Novella

At 1145pm i opened the pages of a Marquez novel I was to begin reading. Having devoured Life of Pi with a tiger's appetite,a still empty pit looked for more feast. Living to Tell the Tale had a "book mark" near the back pages I discovered. It was an original certificate of vital records for a woman turning 21 at midnight. Happy Birthday!! Hope u are rowdy as shit tonight.

Ian is in Cozumel for the week. I put the longest, gnarliest scratch on the side if his van when I used it to help T2 move.


me: "I feel like my life long struggle will be time management."
T2: " that's all us messengers, fool. We get stacked up with work and backed up into a corner. We become part magic, part tragic and all original!"

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

In Version

The light gets brighter
so we burn longer.
The notes strike deeper
and we play a thousand songs.

A different relationship to gravity
means your heart is in another place.

After dark
all the stars in the sky
are notes of a music box.
Wind up bird songs.
Star-plucked progressions
suggesting this could be never ending.

So when we say good-bye
I'll reply with a sigh.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Bhagavad-Gita

Shutting off sense
From what is outward,
Fixing the gaze
At the root of the eyebrows,
Checking the breath-stream
In and outgoing
Within the nostrils,
Holding the senses,
Holding the intellect,
Holding the mind fast,
He who seeks freedom,
Thrusts fear aside,
Thrusts aside anger
And puts off desire:
Truly that man
Is made free for ever

Sunday, June 28, 2009

I raced today

78 mile road race in Fredericksburg started at 1030 during one of the hottest spells the Lone Star State has been through in a while. I can't remember the last time I rode that many miles let alone raced them in the TX Hill Country. A short pedal to a 24 mile loop with 1200 ft of climbing per lap. We were rewarded with a full rolling enclosure (that means we had the whole f'n road to ourselves). I missed my feed on the last lap and rode the last 24 miles with one bottle of hot water.
Cramps, oi cramps!
5 guys finished in front of the field. I played my cards right and won the field sprint for 6th. I was hoping to make a lil scratch, but after entries and a $10 burger, I just broke even.
No doubt today was a long brutal day and there was many displays of brute strength. Fir me, there was a lot of surfing wheels just so I could be sure to finish. So while rcing today, I had time to write a lil diddy. Goes like this:
Sittin on the back
Pickin up the scraps
I'm gonna be
Mr. R. I. P
And when I'm dead and gone
Sing ur kids this song
The story of a life
Written on a bike
(repeat 25x)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Too Far To Tell
Im starting to think you never existed at all
so I stuffed a callin card in the mail.
I set the timer,
but couldn't tell.
I kept the lines open
but its way past my bedtime
so come callin in between
sheets or dreams.
A dial tone
when no one's home
& Im still waiting by the phone
Its not enough to love someone.
Stories spread away the stars
and where we are is along some long bedtime story.
Should have been a perfedt ending
but the rush roundtrip kicked us right back where we began.
As long as were starting over
we can end this one on a good note,
good nite,
good bye,
good boy.
Strange it seems these lines were copied out of a book I wrote to myself.
Lines rewrote themselves cause I wanted to hear what Im listening to now.

Monday, April 6, 2009

what it is, what it do

working, racing, yoga, losing sleep, heart openers just to watch it close back up.
batman i wish was my alter ego.

new team, kits finally in. we look so pro.
team blog:
Toyota Cycling Team pb GCCA

Thursday, March 26, 2009

sunny side up

I fly by night.
and have a half moon attitude.
When we go by each other,
I'll flash a sunny smile.

Tomorrow is yesterday's future,
and I'm sure I woke up in a dream.
When did I get ahead of myself?
We got some catching up to do.

I fell from the sky
straight into a body of water.
I held on to a fireball.
Why do i gotta wake up?

Salute the Sun.
Set an intention.
Honor the search for that crescent lover.
We all wane what we can't have.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

when the musix over

We'll be there in a few years
I mean minutes
I mean, what's that melody your humming?
If we stop now we may miss the show.
I remembered to write down the lyrics
cause I know you really like to sing along.
We're stepping on stage
and its your turn to let go.
All of it now.
Quietly, I'll carry this overture
over every broken
Those aren't memorized words your spraying.
Long ago you gave up the past.
Now you're here.
A no age of now.
And now this song is almost over.
And I'm afraid all you are is this song.
And you'll burn up in that fiery last note.
I've already forgotten your face but I bet I can still hum your melody.